The Worst Thing

The Worst Thing about the Pain of Being Human 

            Our pain of being human is always with us in any situations of life. It is present whether we are in sorrow or in relax moment. This is the worst thing of our pain that it doesn’t  kill us in order to be free from it. We experience the pain as far as we live, whenever we face a new challenge, when we are in the process of loving, and when we find ourselves out of safe area. 

          There are some simple classic ways to recover from this suffering: making friend-relationship, sleeping, keeping ourselves busy, being relaxed and playful. Nevertheless, actively loving could better in handling  the pain, because through this we give but at the same time we receive even more. Practicing love makes us feel better and lead us to real love as well. Being in real love is to accept and to come to our worst human ache instead of suppressing or avoiding it. Through that pain  we try to manage ourselves so that we are free from pain domination. We can do more with our pain  than suffer it. If we manage to face this suffering, our pain will grow less as our heart grow larger. 

Happiness Seems Simple Enough          

   In fact happiness is not far from us as long as we can  open ourselves to create and accommodate it in a proper way. Once we do something noble and worthwhile it comes by itself. Of course happiness is not a commodity that can be directly sought and bought in a store. The real happiness is integrated, remains deeply in our heart and leaves peace in us. One of the surest paths to happiness is through getting close to others. However, some people still keep distance from others because they realize that a relationship opens grieves as well. Without testing the pain in loving we will never realize the meaning of love, true happiness. Running away from others likewise just creates alienation and loneliness in which people grow cold. Happiness comes up in our relationships when we work in a respectful and loving way. By this we learn how to give and to receive in return.  Intimacy is not a kind of thing that we can easily find if we want. On the contrary, it demands, again, trust and giving ourselves to those we love. Love encourages us to do things that we don’t even think that we can do. This what people call “the power of love.”



 The Pain Of Being Human

In our life we can prepare ourselves and anticipate many things, but there are certain times when we encounter inevitable realities that are beyond our preparation, touch our limitation, like aging and morality, illness, broken relationships and daily hurts. This reflection from the book THE PAIN OF BEING HUMAN  calls us to meditate the things that we must deal with but nobody could really prepare us for that. How can we live with the grace for bieng imperfect human?


Human life is not free from bitterness. Pain has been with us from the beginning of our being in this world. Human beings have undergone uncountable physical pains in many occasions either by nature or by human errors. However, psychologically speaking, there is another inevitable pain, THE PAIN OF BEING HUMAN, being ourselves. Moreover, there is no medicine available for that pain. The only thing to do is to accept and understand it, for our pain is our subjective existence in being human. It helps us to express ourselves, to realize who we are, where we have been whether we love or are loved, and what is our belief.

Our personal pain is formed by and in our backrounds; cultural experiences, relationships, and all of our life stories. It carries the rich, profound and precious meaning of our being human.  Accepting and understanding our pain is to stand free and be responsible towards it by our inner strength instead of bieng a victim of fate. The inner  strength helps us to find the truth behind the inescapable frustations and longing, and enables us to accept our nature as imperfect and limited being. By experiencing that process our awareness is sharpened and makes us understand more about the meaning of faith and hope. Once we are able to share our tears, our sadness with the others, we learn how to love and be faithful.

Some difficult moments in our relationships could awaken our awareness especially when our loyalty and our trust are challenged. Moreover, if the occasion comes when we are not ready or it is out of expectation and demands too many sacrifices. This suffering deepens our awareness and reminds us of our responsibility of being such a human. Little by little we should put aside and not te exaggerate our fear, but be open because such challenge is part of our being. The more people taste the pain in loving each other the more they realize the meaning of true love and be truly lovers. The pain in our love relationship will never dull us  but will make us grow and become mature instead. On the contrary, we will never be developed and grow if we alienate ourselves and run away from such pain.

The struggle in love involves us in the mystery that is a part of every real religion. Our struggle is our cross by which we redeem and are redeemed. Carrying the cross on our shoulders is hard but also fruitful because, through this mystery, we find the fullness of life, the virtue, the spirit of joy and peace.


Dalam hidup ini kita dapat memeprsiapkan dan mengantisipasi pelbagai macam hal, tetapi ada saat-saat tertentu kita bertemu kenyataan-kenyataan yang tak terelakkan di luar dari persiapan kita, yang menyentuh keterbatasan kita, seperti usia lanjut dan moralitas, derita sakit, relasi yang hancur, dan luka-luka harian. Refleksi ini mengajak kita untuk merenungkan hal-hal yang harus kita  hadapi tetapi tak seorangpun yang sungguh dapat mempersiapkan kita  untuk hal tersebut. Bagaimanakah kita dapat hidup dengan rahmat sebagai manusia yang tidak sempurna?



Kehidupan manusia tidaklah terlepas dari kepedihan. Luka-luka itu bahkan mungkin telah bersama kita sejak awal keberadaan kita di dunia. Manusia telah mengalami penderitaan pskikis yang tak terhitung  dalam banyak kejadian baik oleh alam maupun oleh kesalahan manusia. Meski demikian, berbicara secara psikologis, ada luka lain yang tak terelakkan, yakni luka sebagai manusia, sebagai diri kita. Parahnya, tidak ada obat kimiawi yang tersedia untuk luka semacam ini. Satu-satunya hal yang dapat dibuat adalah menerima dan memahaminya , karena luka kita masing-masing adalah eksistensi  kita sebagai manusia. Tetapi luka in justru menolong kita untuk mengekspresikan diri kita, menyadari siapa diri kita, di mana posisi kita, apakah kita mencintai atau dicintai, dan apa sebenarnya keyakinan kita.

Luka pribadi kita dibentuk oleh dan di dalam latar belakang kita; pengalaman budaya, relasi, dan dalam seluruh kisah hidup kita. Luka ini membawa arti yang kaya, mendalam, dan berharga bagi keberadaan kita sebagai manusia. Menerima dan memahami  luka kita berarti kita mau bebas dan bertanggungjawab  atasnya dengan kekuatan batin kita dari pada sekedar menjadi korban nasib. Kekuatan batin membantu kita untuk menemukan kebenaran di balik rasa frustasi dan kesepian yang tak terelakkan, dan memampukan kita  untuk menerima diri kita apa adanya sebagai mahluk yang tidak sempurna dan terbatas. Dengan mengalami proses ini, kesadaran kita dipertajam dan membuat kita semakin mengerti tentang arti iman dan harapan. Sekali kita mampu berbagi kepedihan dan kedukaan kita dengan orang lain pada saat yang sama kita belajar bagaimana mencintai dan setia.

Saat-saat yang sulit dalam relasi kita juga dapat membangunkan kesadaran kita, terutama  ketika kesetiaan dan kepercayaan kita ditantang. Terlebih bila kejadian itu datang pada saat kita tidak siap, atau diluar pengharapan kita, dan menuntut banyak pengorbanan.  Penderitaan ini  memperdalam kesadaran kita dan mengingatkan kita akan tanggungjawab kita  sebagai manusia.  Sedikit demi sedikit kita harus mengesampingkan dan bukannya melebih-lebihkan ketakutan kita, tetapi semakin terbuka, sebab tantangan seperti ini adalah bagian dari keberadaan kita. Semakin orang merasakan luka dalam mencintai sesama, semakin mereka menyadari  arti cinta sejati dan menjadi pencinta yang sejati. Luka dalam relasi cinta kita  tidak akan pernah menumpulkan kita melainkan akan akan makin menumbuhkan kita untuk menjadi semakin matang. Sebaliknya, kita tidak akan pernah berkembang dan bertumbuh jika kita mengasingkan diri dan lari dari luka ini.

Perjuangan dalam cinta  melibatkan kita dalam misteri yang merupakan bagian dari setiap agama yang nyata. Perjuangan kita adalah salib kita, yang dengannya kita menebus dan ditebus. Membawa luka ini  memang berat tetapi juga sungguh bermanfaat, karena melalui misteri ini kita menemukan kepenuhan hidup, kebajikan, semangat kegambiraan dan kedamaian.

To Lost, To Find…

 A Long Road

I was once lived in a multicultural community. I was in charge as an instuctor for some training project for three years. I met many people from different and unique background. We built a good and deep relationship as our mission to be brothers and sisiters for all, to make the world to be a single family. Time went by and in the end my supervisor asked me to continue my study out of my country. With all requirements of study, little by little I lost contact with “brothers and sisters.” For almost six years I lived out another life style. The time came then when I decided not to join the community anymore. Everybody said that it was impossible since I didn’t have any problem with the community. My beloved rector just finally said “Dear son, you need more challenge, feel free to be succesful in your life.” I went back then and worked for an education center. Again I started new life with new people. One day, unexpectedly, one of my sister in the counseling training once sent me an email. It was a big crush for me since I never expected her to write me. I thought that I lost her at all, and no hope to see her because I thought I was not her brother anymore. Then I replied the email telling the truth, in hope that she would understand that I wasn’t her brother since we were not in the same movement anymore. But several days later she replied and said that for any reason we were still brother and sister. I cried ….in my heart. You see how in one point of our life we lose something but in the other point we get something more precious. In philosophy people call: heart has its own language. How’s your heart?????

Mari Berbagi